What A Crazy Couple of Weeks!

Hello Hello!

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything, but I've stayed pretty busy. All together things are good, I'm just trying to keep my "Polyana attitude" until Blaze comes home. For those of you who don't know, he will not be getting his R&R in June like he was supposed to. Instead, he'll get 15 days in August. I don't know when in August, I assume they'll let me know before arrives at the airport, then again, it IS the Army. hahah

A couple nights ago I had my first night where I actually had to work to be a mom. I realized just how good I've got it with Beau, he's sooo easy normally! Well, the other night, he was running a low grade fever and he was screaming like he was in pain and was totally inconsolable. We were up until about 2 AM trying to get him calmed down. He's great now, all I can assume is it was either teeth, gas, or both.

I wrecked my car the other night bc I'm an idiot. I was backing out of my driveway at about 8:45 PM to go to Jack in the Box and was messing with my CD player instead of paying attention to what I was doing. In the meanwhile, my neighbor had parked his flatbed trailor on the end of the cul de sac and I took the turn too wide and plowed into the back of it. I felt so stupid. That being said, it was the first wreck or even fender bender that I've ever had. Fortunately, it's all cosmetic, my neighbors trailor didn't take on any damage either. Thank God, my neighbor was so cool about it, then again, I don't guess there was a reason for him to get worked up. Needless to say, I forfeited my trip to Jack in the Box. I go in today to get an estimate. Fortunately, we have USAA for our insurance and I'm fully covered. I have a $500 deductable, and the lady said our rates probably won't go up at renewal, and if they did it would only be $5-$10 a month more. We only pay about $50 per month now, so it's not that big of a deal. Definately worth it to let them handle this issue.

I had a decent birthday; Sarah took me for a totally decadent spa day. It was AMAZING! We both got massages, facials, manicures, and pedicures. I felt like a queen. The funny part is, it just made me want to sleep lol. I actually dozed off during my facial and woke myself up talking in my sleep hahaha. The lady probably thought I was a nut lol. I also got my hair highlighted and cut. I really like it. My wonderful mother and father-in-law are helping out with mine and Blaze's weekend away when he gets back. :) I can't wait!!!! :D :D

I have got to say thank you real quick to all of our family. Without y'all, I couldn't manage this deployment how I have. It's still hard as hell, but I can handle it because I know that even when I can't count on the Army, I CAN count on my family. Blaze, Beau, and I have been so blessed with y'all! I've realized how good I have it because I actually like (and love!) my in-laws a lot! Over time, I've realized that doesn't always happen. Anyway, y'all have been incredible, thank you so much!

Well, I'm going to close my post now, I've got to shower and get ready before Beau Daniel wakes up from his nap. I love you all!

Shannon

Long Time Coming

So, I try to write a blog basically, every night. That being said, I can never get my thoughts togeter enough to feel confident posting anything, so I typically just close the window after I get out my frustrations. This one probably won't be any different than the rest.

I have a lot of things going through my mind. I just feel down. Even my antidepressants aren't helping. I do everything I know to do to keep myself happy or at least stable; I do pilates every day, I eat healthy during the week (weekends off hehe), I take my medication on time every day, and try not to bottle up my emotions. Sure, it makes a little difference, but not enough. I understand that being sad just happens, especially after having a baby, but this is beyond that. Most days, I have zero desire to roll out of bed. I've only done this a couple times, but occasionally I'll just stay in bed all day, only getting up to tend to Beau. I'll feed him, change him, bathe him, but then we both just lay in bed. I just feel like I need something to help me. I don't know what to do. I don't know, it's rough. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Other than the depression, I suppose that things are going alright. Beau is growing like a weed. He's got 2 teeth now and is trying to crawl. It's so crazy how quickly they grow up! I'm thinking now is the time to babyproof the house, which coud be interesting. Blaze is doing well. He's ready to come home and be with Beau and I. We're just as excited to have him hom as he is to be here! Hopefully, he'll be home within the next 2 weeks. :D I'm so excited. Anyway, I'm going to go now....I may actualy post this one.

Shannon