Late Night Rant (So Maybel I'll Get Some Sleep!!)

Hi,

So it's 1:30AM and again, I can't sleep. It's awful, my body is exhausted, my mind won't shut up though. In addition to that, it's hard to sleep with a squirming baby in your belly that constantly kicks your bladder. Other than that, pregnancy is wonderful lol. I don't know, lately, I've been thinking about deployment a lot. As most of you know (sorry if you don't), Blaze should be receiving orders within the next week or two for Afghanistan. Our neighbor is in 3rd Brigade as well and he got orders last Friday. I suppose I should mention, they deploy Brigades at a time. I feel like they'll let Blaze stay on Rear Detachment until after Beau arrives since it's so close to the deployment date and all. This brings me to a laundry list of challenges. My first challenge; how do I enjoy the time I have left with him without constantly bringing up the deployment? You wouldn't believe how hard it is to just enjoy being with some one when you're so afraid of them leaving. I know we'll both be fine, it's just, he's my best friend and I love him sooo much, a year is such a long time. My other concerns are, getting stuff packed up to clear housing so we can collect the addition money from BAH, switching TriCare for Beau and I to Texas, getting our stuff packed up and put into storage, traveling home, etc. Another thing I worry about (this sounds really selfish, I know) but, Christmas. I fear that Beau and I will be alone on the holidays because we need clearance from the doctor before he can travel. Again, I know that sounds selfish, that's just not really a time I want to be alone after Blaze leaves.

I feel horrible because Blaze has block leave (about 2 weeks) coming up in the latter part of October but he says he's staying here because of me. I want him to be with his family and spend time with them, but he says since I'm so close to my due date at that point, he wants to stay here. I know that's really not anyone's fault, but I feel responsible. That being said, Tina may come visit, I really hope she does, I've been blessed with wonderful in-laws. :)

On the flip side of things, I'm trying to look at this deployment as a time for self improvement. This is time where I can focus on finishing my Nursing Degree (or at least getting closer to finishing it), lose the baby weight (and then some!), and Beau and I spending lots of time with the family. It's odd because I get excited about that portion of things, then I realize Blaze won't be here and it totally farts on my rainbow. It's bizarre to dread and yet be excited over one thing.

I'm sorry y'all, this post is mostly so I can just write things down and get them off my chest. If you have any questions about the deployment, feel free to call either one of us and we'll fill you in the best we can. Just remember, right now, we still don't have much information. I'll update accordingly. I love you all! Take care, sleep well!


Shannon